THEY’RE DYING
End of Life
① 100% GUARANTEED
Read life’s fine print.
ANTICIPATORY GRIEF
[ an-tis-uh-puh-tawr-ee, -tohr-ee ][ greef ]
verb
The total set of cognitive, affective, social, and cultural reactions to expected death by the dying and their family.
antonyms
Talking, communicating, sharing fears and wishes, making plans.
in use
Accept that this is normal.
Acknowledge losses.
Connect with others.
“I accept my fate, I accept my life. I accept my shortcomings, I accept the struggle. I accept my inability to understand. I accept what I will never become and what I will never have. I accept death and I accept life. I have no profound realizations - it is blind acceptance and some kind of faith.”
-Keith Haring, Journals, February 15, 1989
THEY BE ILLIN
It’s time to share the way we want to live through the end of our lives. And it’s time to communicate about the kind of care we want and don’t want for ourselves.
A website dedicated to the belief that all people should experience the end of life in a way that matches their values and goals. When faced with issues of mortality, we often suffer needlessly for a variety of reasons, from cultural and clinical to matters of access. End Well brings together a multidisciplinary community that unites design, technology, health, policy and activist initiative to create a cultural shift to transform our thinking about serious illness, caregiving, grief and the end of life.
PRO TIPS
Language tips on how to talk to people (your parents/friends) who don’t fully get that they are sick or having low key demensch.
NOT REALLY
② LEAVE YOUR LEGACY
All things must pass.
LIFE REVIEW
Let go of regrets.
Do it here:
5 REGRETS OF THE DYING
I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
I wish I didn't work so hard.
I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
I wish that I had let myself be happier.
“Daddy”
”Yes, son.”
”What does regret mean?”
”Well, son, a funny thing about regret is that it’s better to regret something you have done than something you haven’t done”
-BUTTHOLE SURFERS “SWEAT LOAF”
LEGACY PROJECT / ETHICAL WILL
Share your memories, advice, and values with others.
Do it here:
Share your story to create an archive for future generations.
Express your wishes for your digital legacy.
Help you figure out what you want.
③ BEING THERE
Giving a sh*t: pro-edition.
PRO TIPS
To patiently support someone during a change/loss/transformation without taking their power away, shaming them, or overwhelming them.
Accepting and supporting another without evaluating or judging them.
CAREGIVING 101
Navigate the challenges of caregiving with compassion and resilience. Courses on caregiving and how to care for caregivers!
Make informed decisions about care and services before a crisis.
DIGNITY CHECK
Check in on how they are doing with these questions.
PALLIATIVE AND HOSPICE CARE
What’s the diff?
WHO CARES?
DEATH DOULAS
Provide support at the end of life (EOL).
via the ny times
DEATH AND TAXES
Experiences of end of life and advice from hospice caregivers.
END OF LIFE RESOURCES
Keeps track of medications and health info.
Make informed decisions about care for serious illness.
Keeps track of medications.
Everything you need for coodinating care.
NATIONAL END OF LIFE DOULA ALLIANCE
Find a doula or become one.
INTERNATIONAL END OF LIFE DOULA ASSOCIATION
Doula directory and resources.
Kinda has everything you need to know here just in case this site is too weird.
CULTURAL BARRIERS IN DEATH CARE
Individuals from diverse backgrounds may find it challenging to talk to health care providers about treatment options.
Care and Culturally Diverse Communities and Palliative Care
The African-American Spiritual and Ethical Guide to End-of-Life Care
④ THE LETTING GO
What happens and what to do at the end.
NEAR DEATH AWARENESS
NDA is a special knowledge of the dying when death is near, often a few weeks to days away.
Caregivers and loved ones may confuse it with delirium and miss the clues or amp up medication when the dying are trying to communicate symbolically, and in a determined way, their need to tie up loose ends, prepare for their journey, make sure the people they leave behind will be okay, and acknowledge they are dying. it might include:
Speaking with deceased individuals/relatives
Speaking symbolically about a trip or upcoming travel
Having a clear sense that their death is near
PRO TIPS
This is not a time to correct. Just go with the flow, be curious, ask questions. Keep the conversation going.
Let them know you are going to be okay without them and that they can let go.
NOTE: NEAR DEATH AWARENESS IS DIFFERENT THAN NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE.
HOLD A VIGIL
A vigil is when you accompany someone in the transition from life to death. It might include:
Sitting together
Talking and listening
Sharing silence
Listening to music
Reading
Holding hands
PBS documentary
Into the Night
Portraits on Life and Death
DO NOT GO GENTLE
INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT
BY DYLAN THOMAS
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
